The Calling of Life

I still firmly believe that you — only you — know exactly what you are capable of. Only you know what your inner self truly wants to express. The work is to stay in honest communication with that inner self, consistently and without flinching.
This brings me to the question I keep asking myself: "Is this what I am really looking for?" — every time I find myself in a new situation.

Most of the time the immediate answer is "I don't know." But the strongest signal I receive is quieter and more specific: "This is not something I want."

At first that feels like confusion. But I've come to understand that our conscious mind hungers for ready-made answers — a clear destination, a confirmed direction, the feeling of already knowing. We want to arrive already knowing where we're going, as if touched by some higher certainty. As if the path were already obvious.

For me, it never worked that way.

What I learned over the years is that "I don't know" is not the absence of an answer. It is the answer. The conscious mind interprets it as confusion and immediately generates anxiety — the fear of starting over, the looming possibility of arriving at the same dead end again.

But that anxiety is actually a signal worth following.

We are deeply conditioned to crave arrival — the moment when what we dreamed becomes reality, when we can finally call ourselves successful, feeling happy. But happiness as a destination is an illusion. The moment you realize you've achieved what you wanted and feel that surge of fulfillment — in that same moment, it begins to dissolve. The arrived feeling never stays.

This is why the question "what exactly am I looking for?" matters more than the answer.
Because when the signal comes — "this is not something I want" — that is not failure. That is a calling. A calling toward new territory, new possibility, new versions of yourself that the comfortable known world cannot produce.

There are no guarantees in following that calling. I won't pretend otherwise. But through the journey itself — the uncertainty, the starting over, the humbling encounters with what I didn't know — I have learned more, seen more clearly, and understood more deeply than any arrived destination ever gave me.

For me, answering the calling of "this is not something I want" is far more alive than waiting for life to hand me a clear answer about what I do want.

Because life is a journey. And a journey deserves active, honest, wholehearted participation.
Shouldn't it?